


Oh, and I'll be there waiting, if you start to get jaded

by roseslotusvioletiris



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: 7x06, F/M, Slow Burn, post episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-25 22:24:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21363631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roseslotusvioletiris/pseuds/roseslotusvioletiris
Summary: Post 7x06. Hailey stops by to comfort Jay.
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton, Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton
Comments: 5
Kudos: 74





	Oh, and I'll be there waiting, if you start to get jaded

Hailey pulled her car up to Jay’s apartment building, and once parked, grabbed her phone from its place on the passenger seat. Seeing that he still hadn’t called or texted her back, she decided to get out of the car. 

She had only locked her car and put some quarters in the meter before checking her phone again. Jay was usually pretty good with his phone. The fact he hasn’t responded in hours, especially because of what he has gone through today, had her worried. 

For some reason, Voight was still keeping them apart. To be fair, no one really had a set partner for this case, but that didn’t make this issue gnaw any less on her. She not only missed being with him, but also keeping an eye on him with cases like these. And how their paths kept missing each other today, it felt like it wasn’t just Voight keeping them apart, but the entire universe. 

And with Jay not answering her calls or texts, it was a no-brainer for Hailey to end up at his place. She honestly didn’t think she would be able to sleep tonight without knowing that he’s all right. 

She quickly walked to the front of the building, the wind starting to pick up. It was still fall in Chicago, but the weather was more like winter. The temperature has dropped even more the past few days. She wouldn’t be surprised if it would start to snow soon. Despite knowing it wouldn’t do much, Hailey adjusted her hat and scarf, as if she would feel warmer. 

She put a gloved-covered finger onto the button that had Jay’s apartment number above it, pressing until she heard a buzzing sound. 

A few minutes passed with no response, having her wonder if she didn’t press the button completely. But when she pressed it again, she heard the buzzing loud and clear. She looked up at the building with a frown. Where the hell was Jay? 

Her mind scrambling for ideas on what to do next, when the answer appeared right in front of her. 

“Hailey?” 

At the sound of Jay’s voice, she whirled around. He was alright. At least physically, she noted. His face looked drained and in particular, his eyes looked haunted. She resisted the urge to go down the steps to be with him, choosing to stay put. 

“You weren’t answering your phone.” She said, as an explanation for her being there. What was left unsaid was how she was worried about him, that she had to find out how he was. 

“My phone’s dead.” He held up the device. 

“Oh.” Before she got here, she had a load of things to talk about with him. The case, how he was. But now with him in front of her, she was at a loss of words. 

She stepped aside as he walked up the stairs, taking note of his slow and weary steps. His defeated presence tugged at her heartstrings, more than they ever had before. 

He didn’t deserve this burden. 

Hailey reached out to put a hand on his back. He stiffened, clearly not expecting her action. He didn’t say anything though, and once he unlocked the building he simply walked in. 

He held the door open though, signaling to her that she could follow. She did so, following him as he began his trek up the stairs. The only sounds being made were the creaks of each step they went up. Hailey’s own mind was much louder. With words she wasn’t saying, words about how this wasn’t Jay’s fault and he was a good cop. 

And mostly of helplessness, knowing that no matter what she did, she couldn’t make Jay feel better. She couldn’t bring Marcus West back from the grave, and she couldn’t change the conviction. 

But damn she could try. This was her partner, unofficially or not, she couldn’t let him rot in his emotions. Which was why when they finally reached his apartment, Hailey started to make a beeline towards his kitchen. “Do you want me to make you something?” She asked, her hands itching to do something. To help. 

Jay’s hand on her elbow stopped her. She turned back around, her eyes going from his hand to his face. Despite her jacket covering her, Hailey swore she could feel the rough calluses of his fingertips against her skin. 

She shook her head slightly. Her mind couldn’t go there right now. She tilted her chin up to Jay, telling him to say what he wanted to say. 

He did. “Can we sit down instead?” He asked, already letting go of her arm and heading towards the couch. 

Hailey sat down next to him, close enough that their shoulders and thighs brushed. Not wanting to make the same mistake of assuming what he needed, she simply sat there, waiting for Jay to tell her what he wanted. Or needed. 

And if it reached the point she needed to take initiative, she would. It was her responsibility not only as a partner but as a friend. 

But it was Jay that broke first, although it wasn’t with words. His head fell onto her shoulder, an action she wasn’t expecting. 

It made her heart drop. While Jay never liked to be verbally vulnerable, physically it was even more disliked. This alone made all the events they have went through together that have shaken him deeply not compare. 

She instinctively begun doing something her mom used to do to comfort her. Her fingers ran through his hair as she gently rubbed his scalp. By the time she realized what she doing, the awkwardness had already passed. 

“If this cop thing doesn’t work out for you,” Jay started to mumble to her. “being a masseuse might.”

Hailey snorted, ignoring the way she shivered at the feeling of Jay’s breath hitting her skin. “Like you could find a partner better than me.” 

He chuckled at that. Hailey smiled to herself at the sound, even though she could hear the sadness tinged within. 

Right after, the mood became somber again. 

At this point she thought they would have already started talking about today’s events. That’s usually how it went for them, anyways. Believing she already gave him enough time, she decided to bring up the elephant in the room. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” She softly asked, erring on the side of caution. Although he has been improving with therapy, she knew he still had the habit of shutting down and not wanting to discuss things. 

“I killed him, Hailey.” She almost didn’t hear his whisper, and had to strain her ears to catch the rest of what he said. “I killed a man who wasn’t guilty—“ Jay’s voice started to waver. “—and to save my ass he had to still be charged with the crime he didn’t commit.” 

Hailey was surprised to find her eyes being pricked with tears. She typically wasn’t the type to get emotional, but she couldn’t deny how much this case had affected her simply because it has torn Jay apart. But he couldn’t see her, so she began talking with a controlled voice. “You didn’t—“

Jay jolted up at that, only staying on the couch because of Hailey’s hand on his thigh. “I did, Hailey. I put him in county when I could have kept him in solitary.” 

“You did it to get him to talk, Jay. Not to get him killed.” 

“It doesn’t matter what I meant to do.” His voice was getting more agitated. More frustrated. 

Hailey was finding herself becoming more frustrated too, but more in desperation. She needed Jay to see he wasn’t to blame. “Yes it does! Because if we only thought about the outcomes we would have been destroyed by this job years ago!” 

With their voices and emotions rising, the sob that came out of Jay wasn’t in anyway expected by Hailey. 

Also because this was something she had never experienced with Jay. He had never cried in front of her before. And he wasn’t just crying, he was sobbing, and she could hear all his pain and guilt from the case in his cries. 

All possible words were caught in her throat, so Hailey did the next best thing. She wrapped her arm around his shoulder, and once again Jay’s head fell onto her shoulder. Just this time he had tears as well. 

Cases like these were always hard personally, but seeing the people you care about struggle was even harder. 

So as Jay continued to cry, Hailey kept her own emotions at bay and sat silently. Because what words could possibly make Jay feel better? A man was dead, no words of inspiration or nicely strung together ones could help. 

After what it seemed like forever, Jay’s cries started to fade. He then sat up, keeping his face hidden as he wiped away his tears. Hailey was tempted to comment, but bit her tongue. It was one thing to push Jay emotion wise, another to comment on his crying. 

His eyes were completely bloodshot by the time she was able to get full view of his face. They weren’t the only indicator of his crying spell, his entire face was flushed and his eyes still glistened with tears. 

She could tell he was uncomfortable with his vulnerable state as he diverted from the current atmosphere and made a joke. “I’ll get you a new shirt, I promise.” He said, almost sounding like he normally did except for the slight break in his voice. 

“I don’t give two shits about my shirt, Jay.” 

He was quiet again. It was her least favorite sound of the night. At least when he was crying he was being open about his pain. When he was silent, he was letting his emotions gnaw at his insides. 

When he sat up, he increased the distance between them. Hailey closed it, placing her hand over his to gain his attention. 

“I know it won’t make the shitty feelings go away, but I’m with you and I’m always here to listen.” She told him as empathetically as she could. 

“Thanks, Hailey.” Jay looked lost in thought, not listening to what she was saying. The only evidence that he was was when he squeezed her hand. 

She squeezed his back. She couldn’t fix what happened, and he couldn’t either. But she was here to support him and help him keep going and that had to be enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t own anything! Hope you all enjoyed. I always take prompts!  
-  
took a different title approach, lyric is from dog years by Maggie Rogers!


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